then / later / make contact Tending To Orbit

12 February 2004 - 8:00 a.m.

So much, too much. I guess I'll start somewhere's about the middle, In the secret parts of Fortune, and I'll catch up with myself later.

Butterfly Shadow

Much unlike the quiet old lady whispering “hush,” aside from the rocker, I nagged-ly repeat, just lay down, close your eyes, and go to sleep, already but the damn part I say under my breath. The blinds are closed, but the street light across the street relentlessly continues to throw its beams at the window even though they are cut, horizontally, into shreds of clumsy patterns upon the floor. The light is much more triumphant through the uncovered dormer above the windows. It casts a more solid shape of light above the kids’ chest of drawers, broken only slightly by the wind chimes hung just under the eave, outside. The butterfly shadow moved by the wind behaves as if it is trapped in that shape of light. In a gentlier breeze, the butterfly shadow lazily flutters, but tonight the wind is strong and the butterfly shadow appears to be in a panic, failing in its numerous escape attempts.

Sometimes I feel trapped. But it's a tender kind of trapped I can't quite put into words because they get stuck in the back of my throat and I feel as if I could cry, despite myself. Like when my babies fell asleep in the dip between my shoulder and my collarbone and they were so warm and what little weight they had seemed more so just because I couldn't move without risking waking them. And all the things I use to like to do in my spare time were literally out of reach. But that moment was so sweet and I'd remember all the older women, who that very day, looked on my little people and said to enjoy it now, because it goes by so fast. And I remembered the things I wanted to answer back, but deep down I knew they were right and not admonishing me, for I could see there was a small, almost unnoticeable, pain in their eyes, like they were missing someone who was once little. That’s when my throat does the thing like choking and I could easily be mistaken for trapped.

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last five revolutions

- - 05 April 2004

sunsets - 18 February 2004

Happy V Day - 14 February 2004

butterfly shadow - 12 February 2004

hello - 07 October 2003

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